Fear

Fear is an irrational emotion.   Other people can look at something I am afraid of and never understand why I cannot sleep or breathe whenever I start to think about it.

I understand that. I respect that. I can also look at a spider and wonder why some people have panic attacks from something so little.

I feel my fear as a coldness in my heart that spreads to my hands.  Not a simple feat considering the high heat we experience in a tropical country on a day to day basis.  I feel it as a know in my chest, as a paralyzing agent in my veins.

I run from fear. I am not brave.

I fear my job and I want to run from it but I do not know what I can do.  I need work. I need money but I feel like I lost that feeling of loving work.

I don't know if it is just Covid and the quarantine.

All I know is I am scared of it. 

Let's see if I can find either a yoga or meditation app to help me.