Raising my son and raising myself

I am a parent with one child.
The way I was raised is not the "acceptable" way of raising a child.  My parents were both strict and loving.  Though I did rebel in a lot of ways, I wasn't a bad child.

My son can be very similar and very different to me.  I liked being alone, I detested having to share my room with a sister who I always had to look after, take care of... Especially when I was young, I wanted to be left alone.

My son wants attention. There are times he wants to be left alone but he is strong outside but fragile inside.

I am afraid that one day, he will kill himself.

I've already lost one child.  People who read this blog - me and like 2 others probably..., no that I have already lost a child. I do not want that to happen again.

But how?

Last year, I witnessed depression and fer grip my child, he was just 8 years old and I couldn't help him.

This year, he has taken on a violent nature, and I still can't help him.

How do I do this?

I feel like I am the one that needs therapy.  I also need help.

Is there a place that I can go to for help?